3.20.2009

red nail polish

every time i paint my nails i get a print on them.
no matter how hard i try to avoid touching anything, i always end up with a sort of fossilized hair stuck to the paint, or a pattern of woven thread pressed into the grooves.
and it seems that every time i paint a new layer, fresh start, it only ends up worse off in the end. like if i happen to brush my nail on a blanket the first time, the second time i'll have a full-on candy wrapper stuck to my finger like some sort of crazy tinsel ornament.
and when i paint my nails, i get the color all over my skin. screw taking my time and doing it right, i'd rather mess it up, finish it, and scratch the dried red frame off my cuticles in the end. it makes about as little sense as it possibly can make, but i suppose there's some satisfaction in finally being able to say "i'm done now", especially once you've scratched yourself raw.
i carved a heart into my arm once, then ran a burnt-out match over it to try to make it stay. it didn't work, because i can't find it anymore.
sometimes i feel like the only way to prove that we're alive is to make a mark that hurts.
but mine never stay.

"i'm done now".

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