rest

"i don't want to go to heaven;
i just want to go to bed.
i don't want to live anymore, once i'm done.
when i'm dead, i'm dead, i'm dead.

i don't want to be reborn;
please send someone else instead.
i don't want to start this thing over again.
when i'm dead, i'm dead, i'm dead.

rest in peace,
the only one you'll find.
i am tired.
sweet release,
more than just resigned,
i'm tired.

i don't want to live forever;
i'm fine with my fate fixed ahead.
it's finite, it's done, i've finally won.
i'm dead, i'm dead, i'm dead."

beside the highway

"iron giants hanging cable,
would you talk if you had listeners?
would you walk if you were able,
chained to earth like wired prisoners?"

you have to want it

my words are becoming shallower and shallower,
because i can't find the heart to make you believe in them anymore.

and while you're on the back porch monologuing your self-pity,
i am in my room, listening to every word
and trying not to breathe.

i don't have to try very hard.

i lie awake during the night
and i hear your music buzzing through the vents.
and you lie awake during the day
and hear nothing at all while the rest of us are out in the world.

i ache
watching you be alone.

there is nothing i can offer
that is enough anymore.

we're caught in a vice:
because if i choose to believe in you,
then you'll give up on yourself.
and if i give up on you,
there's no telling what you'll choose to believe in.

injected religion.

we are fast approaching the place
where "i love you" amounts to nothing at all.

what to call the quiet

the circle of life

my father was on cocaine
because his father died

my father will die
because his son is on cocaine

i am an idiot

whatever shitty decision making skills convinced me that googling cervical cancer was a good idea, fuck you.

christ.

this is a poem i wrote in ninth grade that i found last night and i really liked

"the leaves have fled their blackened branches,
riding wind in coloured dances.
finally barren, all can see
the last foul leaf on crooked tree
said, 'i'm not one for taking chances'."

weeeee, and here's another one from fourth grade that i also found,
and it's a little dumb obviously because fourth grade so fuck you but i still like it.

"the horse i knew was white.
what a sight
as he galloped through the night.
away he flew,
into midnight blue,
the horse i knew."

ahahahaha.

and in the late 1800s

"time is such a crafty cancer,
consciousness is not the cure.
seconds slipping, set and sure,
and i have questions left to answer.

read me poems, passing prose,
waiting just to feel the waste.
oh, but life is just a taste
of all of nature's rapt repose."

"tenderness
is overrated, i'd rather
get burned
to feel the heat.

discretion's only useful
in the quiet moments after
you've awoken next to strangers
and you're making your retreat.

oh i'd like
to take
a moment here to cherish
all the absolutely nothing,

the absolutely nothing.

i would like
to take
a breath of something garish,
something wasteful, and indulgent,

something absolutely nothing.

bitterness is brittle,
and i frequent find it falters
when you're hoping
for a way to keep the hate.

overwhelmed
and undermined,
overjoyed and blind,
and mostly unerrated, understated.

oh i'd like
to take
a moment here to cherish
all the absolutely nothing,

the absolutely nothing.

i would like
to take
a breath of something garish,
something wasteful, and indulgent,

something absolutely nothing.

let me get a taste
let me feel this waste
waste of time, waste of space
gaining praise, losing face

all for absolutely nothing."

this is what happens when i write lyrics in the office,
because i can't sing them out loud as i'm writing them and so they end up just sort of becoming rambles that aren't much of a song at all.
idk wtf this qualifies as.

~*~something absolutely nothing?
ba dum tsss.~*~

the pieces

"i don't want to touch
any piece of me
to any piece of you.

 you're so much
that i never thought to be,
and you know, it's only tender 'cause it's true."