casper's lullaby

you know when you take things too far? yeah? yeah.

when the going is great until it just ain't great anymore.

yeah? yeah.

time for bed, time for bed

you friendly, friendly ghost.

plans

i want to write a play about a woman named phyllis,
who kills herself and watches over her would-be life
as people forget about her.
and other people, they come and go
and they say to her,

"phyllis, it's okay, just come along now"

and she just sits there,
and stares down at the world,
and says,

"i can't believe they forgot about me"

but instead of doing that,
i will eat dark chocolate and honey
and let my kitten play with froot loops on the floor
and listen to the fan as it pushes my hair into my fucking face
and i will do nothing at all worth any sort of merit

because that is what i always do.

2139996

fuck all of that, i am done
and honestly
the fact that i got through that shit just proves to me that i am better than any one of you
with your fuckin' snide remarks and shit
you take them and shove them up your fucking ass
and i'm sure that some of you know i was lying when i said that i would be back
because i am GONE from this place for fuckign ever
and i am so stoked to be done
so stoked to be done
with all of you.

fuck your shit,
i'm harder than you will ever be.

have you ever heard the phrase

"pick on someone your own size" ?

fuck i hate ninering.
why is everyone stupid and insecure?

trust me,
if you're looking to a cure to that self-hatred your feeling,
eggs and mustard won't help, kiddo.

zebra

i overdosed on sleeping pills on sunday night
(i wanted a vacation - see "soma" for details)
and now i can't sleep right
(not that i can do anything right to begin with)
and i know i'm almost done with all this shit
(i'm so, so fucking close)
but i also know that all this shit is almost done with me
(and there's no coming back from being done with, you know)
and i am sosososososo tired
(i can't sleep, remember?)
but here i am, with a 2L bottle of water
(hydration is key, folks)
and a bar of 85% dark chocolate
(fucking mmmmmmmmm)
and i kind of feel like maybe
(just maybe)

things will work out okie-dokie
(just peeeeachie-fuckin'-keen)

s'il vous plait

not good enough
not fast enough
not smart enough

everything i do is not enough

i am not old enough
i am not enough

i am so tired of everyone riding my ass
i am so, so tired

i just want
to go
to sleep

can it be forever now?
no, no.

forever is not enough.

tetris and thunderstorms

squeaking shoes on the floor in the halls
like music for the mice

my cowboy boots have gone matte
dirty, dirty, dirty

there is a show tonight
and i will go
and read the script
and watch the flow

ballet? do not lie,
ha

ha

ha

dancing under the lightning show
forever.

a good time

i love sitting in skinny jeans
topless, with my hair up
with vanilla extract on my skin
and nothing in particular
on my mind

relaxing

i like the ceiling fan.
(that is all)

miles and miles

i have to admit
i'm not excited for this

i don't need to watch people destroy themselves
but i will.

oh, i will.

why can't people be responsible?
why can't people - oh, oh wait, that's right.

we're all teenagers.
and we'll be young forever.
and nothing can kill us. nothing can hurt us,
more than a boy who doesn't like us like that.

we are invincible, invincible,
so let's kill ourselves while we still can -

because in just a few years, this suicide note will be written all over again
but this time, we will mean it.

valedictorian

i'm so flattered, so scared
so fucking nervous
so surprised

i can honestly say this is something i did not see coming, at all
especially since i have recently dropped off the face of the earth

but everyone is so wonderful

and sometimes i forget that it's worth it to have faith in the other people in the world
and sometimes, if you do, they'll surprise you in ways that make you feel
like you're a million miles in the sky
surrounded by the stars

maybe it's just a speech
but it represents so much more than that to me right now

i didn't know i still had friends anymore.
(say hello to the first period used in this entry)

i think, more than anything, i'm scared of falling now
because i feel so, so high

and i am just so terrified that this will all be joke or something
and i will lose (much more than just a silly title)

oh lordie,
i am in deep.

cross my fingers, knock on wood,
and most of all - have faith.

the votes will decide in the end.
aye carumba.