please

realize how beautiful you are.
everyone knows it but you.

<3

trip

i always fall for the people who fell for me ages ago,
but by the time i hit bottom like they did,
they'd gotten up and dusted themselves off.

i have terrible timing.
and terrible luck.

i'm still not catching 11:11.

and sometimes i forget it's even there.
i can't see the back of my neck...
hm.

oh...

dashlit: i only just remembered you.

i should be doing homework but i have curtains on the floor and a new clock on the wall,
one that ticks so i can finally hear the time i waste as it goes.
(please note: i mean that in a good way.)

i keep messing up my medication, so forgive me for being bloated.
i know it's a sin nowadays, so just keep your pants on for a little bit, until it passes.

or, you know, take them off.
essentially it's what it means to be dashlit.

baby hairs

please, join me in the revolution.
take off your evil glasses,
and stop seeing people as monsters.

i don't hang out under your bed,






most of the time.

shine

i have no right to judge whether your actions are right or wrong.
you are whatever you allow yourself to be.

where are we

i make a lot of mistakes,
but i don't spend time regretting them.

you see,
it doesn't mean i'm not sorry.
it doesn't mean i don't care.
it doesn't mean i don't know.

it just means that i am trying to look forward to the time when i will finally get it right.

i am trying, i promise.
and i'm not getting it right just yet, and i know that.

but i will not give up.

i am making that promise to you now,
since i have already made it to myself.

limbo

you're adorable.

any minute now,
any second,

something interesting will happen to me.
it has to.

oi oi oi

"you gotta love
walking home alone in the dead of night
because no one cares enough to see you make it home alright
it's true:
the world goes on without you."

i'm so tireddd!

analysis

i don't think it's necessarily that i'm fake,
but if people are allowed to tell little white lies,
then i suppose maybe i'm alright.

if the truth hurts too much, bottle it up:
a little white lie.

if the truth hurts too much, bottle it up:
a little white me.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

if i am like this all the time, how can you argue that i'm fake?
if i am like this all the time, this is me.

so where is your basis for comparison now?

oh no

it's that burning feeling in the bottom of your throat
the sinking of your stomach like a hole in a boat
the feeling so familiar that you always forget
when suddenly you realize you are someone's regret

what have i doneee

caesar

i want a white cat named rabbit
i want a siamese cat named julius
i want a mau cat named baby

or maybe a turkish angora cat nameddd
oliver.

hello

no matter what they say,
no matter what they do -
no one belongs here
more than you.

going going gone

i'm scared that i'm okay.

god i love this band.

today was a good day.

one hand

i haven't checked for updates in a while and to find what you wrote for me made me feel two things:
1. happiness (thank you so much, i love you to death)
2. guilt (i've been selfish lately)

you are such an incredible friend and i hate to think that i make you feel bad about your own problems. mine are no worse than yours! they can't even be compared, they're just too different and i'm sorry for being so absorbed in my own shit lately, honestly - i haven't been paying attention to you and that's not fair.

arguments? shitty, but natural. they happen and they can't be avoided and they're not your fault! (it takes two to tango, ahah)

YOU'RE NOTHING CLOSE TO FAT. you already know i would kill for your curves woman!

ringette? fuck them! they cut you off because of one bad day? their loss - make them regret it! i know you will.

you're strong. and you have friends who will BE your strength if you need it.
trust me, i know - i'm one of them.

just keep telling yourself:
"i think i can, i think i can, i think i can."
and eventually you will.

you think you can? good.
because i KNOW you can.

(on a side note: things have been weird, i am sore, typing with one hand is a mission and i miss sports. also, this is probably the realest blog i have ever written. haaa)

csi: ny

hello everyone who reads my blog in order to use it against me...
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i broke my collarbone... again.

irony is a bitch:
it would be my luck to actually have a good day for the first time in a long time
and then get broken.

you know that mood you get in where things start to suck so bad you just laugh at yourself?
yeah. yeah that one.

i am not meant to be happy, i have decided.
because if it isn't emotional pain, it's physical pain.

but at least now i know what to expect.

we are all so fucking predictable.

the clock on this thing is wrong

it's 11:04
and i am going to bed in 6 minutes, 11:10
so that i'll be dreaming by 11:11.

"a dream is a wish your heart makes"

please come true please come true please come true

what is that saying from? cinderella?
i don't know.

i have forgotten


















everything.

french

i actually feel guilty
every time i get a little happier.

"i miss you so much."
"thanks."

hm.

change

today i realized that i really do love and miss sports.

today i realized that buying new makeup and dressing myself up when i get home does make me feel better.

today i realized that my mom has been on anti-depressants for years... back when she hadn't remarried... back when it was just the two of us.

(this is the part where i beg someone to tell me how to not feel responsible for that)

never fear, though:
i took my first prozac today.

raw

i have been watching a lot of stand-up comedy lately
and aside from that doing not much else.

i called in sick to work today.
i told them i had a flu bug, but i think we all know better.

i want to laugh at other people's problems,
but i know better than that.

i'm sorry.
i am trying to be considerate. i really am,
but i don't care about your problems.

hell, i don't even care about mine.

(sometimes i feel guilty when i laugh
because people tell me i'm depressed and i agree
but then i just feel hypocritical

...

am i stealing your spotlight?)