it's the bpd talking

i hate everyone.

people i care about care about someone else more than they care about me and people i rely on rely on me more than i can bear and people i want (and convince myself that it's just want and not anything more along the lines of need) don't want me in the same way, or at least aren't willing to put their asses on the line the same way i do every time, even though i know it doesn't work and it's going to put me in the same fucking gutter i find myself in every time i try this shit.

honestly, chances are i'm overreacting about everything else,
because of this boy.

he's so cute.

and i'm so not.

and for a while there i thought i had that under control, but now i know i really don't, because i'm sorry but in my timeline, a week is too long and by the time you're ready i won't be. sorry, but i seem to grow up about four times as fast as everyone else and in order for this to work you have to move at my pace.
which, inevitably, leads me to the gutter.

ahhhh.

how do you get your mind out of the gutter when the rest of you is there too?

my lord.

he's so cute.

i promise

no matter what they say,
no matter what they do -
no one belongs here more than you.

oh, to approach a stranger in the street,
the thrill of the unknown
and of the known:

stranger danger?

never heard of it.

the realization of a 17 year old girl

i'm not going to have a date for prom.
and that would be funny, except that i'm seventeen
and nothing that matters as much as that
is funny to me right now.

(don't ask me why it matters, logically i couldn't tell you)

((but it does.))

good deeds undone

today i was late walking to work

and i saw a broken beer bottle, a weapon
in front of a church and a primary school
and i felt like i should have removed them
but i was late for work
and i had to go

and i saw an old man on a ladder, a trap
in front of his house all alone
and i felt like i should have helped him
but i was late for work
and i had to go

and i saw a woman in a wheelchair, (enough said)
struggling, struggling, to move on her own
and i felt like i should have stopped and asked
if maybe she wanted help
or if she was okay
or where she might have a friend or someone else to help her

but i was late for work
and i had to go

all these good deeds left undone

and i got to work on time after all.

unemployment rates in canada

aye carumbaaa, so many presentations in this clas
angst angst angst

i don't want to hear about all the people who failed
the way i very well could in the future

eeeeeeeeeeeek
exclamation
point
!

ah well

in the meantime
i'll just play some bejewelled

(is there anyone who doesn't love this game?)

as it seems

i am the opposite of most:
i find it so much more tempting to quit
when i reach the near-end of something.

it's so close, so close to being done with
and i'm so close, so close
to giving up.

ugh.

mdm4u1 - you are the bane of my existence.

onions

smelling up the whole house, filling my nostrils with smoke,
oh god oh god oh god -
so good.

i am hungrier than ever before.
feeeeed me.

a 6:17am revelation... of sorts

i know that somewhere, deep down, you want what's best for me.
and i know that you're just a little confused
as to what that is right now.

i don't blame you;
up until now, "what's best" has always been what you want.
and i appreciate you wanting the right things for me.

but this time it's what i want.
i know it is.
i promise.

and i think you know it too,
somewhere inside you.

this isn't supposed to be resentful,
this isn't supposed to be a fight.
but if it has to be, i will make it so.
(just as you have taught me to do.)

i know you don't want this right now, mom.
but i know this is right.
so please want it too,
for me.

long time no think

i keep sneezing three times in a row,
which is supposed to be good luck.
unless you have a cold.

i haven't had much time to think, lately.
i'm still wondering whether or not that's a bad thing, though.

i'm out on my own and i've never felt freer, aside from the fact that i have people pulling in all directions to have me come back.
but hey, if my nose has any say in the matter (i have a big nose... ha.) then maybe i'm related to pinocchio?
i'll be rid of my strings.

cheesy? yes.
but it's true all the same.

hopefully i won't get eaten by a whale.