yesterday i made bacon perogies baked in onion broth and cheese,
with green beans and rice.
today i made filet mignon wrapped in bacon,
with fried mushrooms and garlic noodles.
i actually love cooking.
6.29.2011
6.24.2011
the record
boyfriend #1
- dated for 30 days in eleventh grade
- recently posted a picture of him and his new BOYFRIEND kissing on facebook
- ahahahahahahahahahaha
- what is my life
boyfriend #2:
- possibly semi-retarded
- okay, so actually semi-retarded... went to a school for learning disabilities
- upperclassman who approached me while i was insecure and vulnerable pre-frosh week
- dated for a week, dumped him/made up every time i was drunk
- i was always drunk
- lol
boyfriend #3:
- sort of a douche, to be honest
- mostly attracted to him because he actually fought for me
- dated for a week, dumped me because i wouldn't put out
- promptly hooked up with his roommate
- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR
- ... haaa
i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing.
- dated for 30 days in eleventh grade
- recently posted a picture of him and his new BOYFRIEND kissing on facebook
- ahahahahahahahahahaha
- what is my life
boyfriend #2:
- possibly semi-retarded
- okay, so actually semi-retarded... went to a school for learning disabilities
- upperclassman who approached me while i was insecure and vulnerable pre-frosh week
- dated for a week, dumped him/made up every time i was drunk
- i was always drunk
- lol
boyfriend #3:
- sort of a douche, to be honest
- mostly attracted to him because he actually fought for me
- dated for a week, dumped me because i wouldn't put out
- promptly hooked up with his roommate
- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR
- ... haaa
i have no idea what the fuck i'm doing.
6.22.2011
sum lyricz~
"a week before the summer starts,
i'll meet you and we'll both begin to smile.
with laughing eyes and beating hearts,
we'll talk until it's more than just a while.
but you'll be busy, i'll be gone,
and after that we won't have time to spare.
and for a while, we'll both move on,
but never for a moment cease to care.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
some silly, sorry twist of fate,
and suddenly we both have time to meet.
we'll probably stay out much too late,
and by the end you've swept me off my feet.
but you'll be scared and i'll be shy,
and it'll take too long to seize the day.
and looking back, i'll wonder why,
but that won't change the outcome anyway.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
[some sort of break?]
and if we ever follow through,
it won't be 'til july is two weeks past.
and you'll have me and i'll have you,
but flights are booked and we know it won't last.
the last two weeks will fly right by,
and in the end we won't know what to say.
and i won't look you in the eye,
as i ask, "was it worth it anyway?"
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
a week before the summer starts,
we'll meet and then we both will feel the sway.
and for the sake of both our hearts,
i wish that we would both just walk away,
but i can see it now.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
i can see it now."
i'll meet you and we'll both begin to smile.
with laughing eyes and beating hearts,
we'll talk until it's more than just a while.
but you'll be busy, i'll be gone,
and after that we won't have time to spare.
and for a while, we'll both move on,
but never for a moment cease to care.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
some silly, sorry twist of fate,
and suddenly we both have time to meet.
we'll probably stay out much too late,
and by the end you've swept me off my feet.
but you'll be scared and i'll be shy,
and it'll take too long to seize the day.
and looking back, i'll wonder why,
but that won't change the outcome anyway.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
[some sort of break?]
and if we ever follow through,
it won't be 'til july is two weeks past.
and you'll have me and i'll have you,
but flights are booked and we know it won't last.
the last two weeks will fly right by,
and in the end we won't know what to say.
and i won't look you in the eye,
as i ask, "was it worth it anyway?"
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
a week before the summer starts,
we'll meet and then we both will feel the sway.
and for the sake of both our hearts,
i wish that we would both just walk away,
but i can see it now.
i can see it now.
i can see it now.
i can see it now."
6.21.2011
the promise
you don't get me now,
because you didn't want me then.
and you will never never never never
have me back again.
because you didn't want me then.
and you will never never never never
have me back again.
6.19.2011
instead
i really enjoy cooking and baking,
and i really do like cleaning when it's my mess,
or a mess that i can identify, ahaha.
i think i'd like being a housewife,
if i ever found someone whose trust i didn't fear.
y'know?
heh.
and i really do like cleaning when it's my mess,
or a mess that i can identify, ahaha.
i think i'd like being a housewife,
if i ever found someone whose trust i didn't fear.
y'know?
heh.
6.15.2011
what is this i don't even
why the fuck do i keep writing raps?!
i'm a scrawny little white girl.
someone please slap me.
"tree-huggers, mother-lovers and uncle-fuckers,
it's oedipus in the eighties, smoking huffers
and watching cult movies like another infection -
nothing like insanity to gain an erection.
affection can take another turn for the worse
as we weed out the weak like they're some kind of curse,
and we let the young die and we let the old live,
and we fabricate lies just for something to give
for free to the grieving as an explanation,
as if words could wisen the rage of a nation.
don't waste your poetry, don't waste your breath,
you wasted your youth and you're waiting for death.
it's fine, your lives are on the line, please hold -
i'm sorry but we're only doing what we're told.
it's the same rules we live by every day:
obey. obey. obey. obey."
i'm a scrawny little white girl.
someone please slap me.
"tree-huggers, mother-lovers and uncle-fuckers,
it's oedipus in the eighties, smoking huffers
and watching cult movies like another infection -
nothing like insanity to gain an erection.
affection can take another turn for the worse
as we weed out the weak like they're some kind of curse,
and we let the young die and we let the old live,
and we fabricate lies just for something to give
for free to the grieving as an explanation,
as if words could wisen the rage of a nation.
don't waste your poetry, don't waste your breath,
you wasted your youth and you're waiting for death.
it's fine, your lives are on the line, please hold -
i'm sorry but we're only doing what we're told.
it's the same rules we live by every day:
obey. obey. obey. obey."
backfiling
this was inspired by casile's last blog post.
heheh.
"business cards embroidered into everything you own,
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
you're making phone calls every day, but you go home alone.
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
cheques are coming in on thursday,
sign direct deposit from your soul.
it's quite the tax.
always working his or her way,
baby, this damn life will eat you whole.
can't you just relax?
instead of loving who you are, you're loving what instead.
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
i don't know the price to pay to get inside your head,
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
pay the man to pay your way,
you'll need the extra papers to get by.
how do you ID?
training tells you what to say,
like how you love your job when it's a lie.
baby, come with me.
i wanna teach you to unlearn the things you've never cared to know,
want to take you every place you've always said you couldn't go,
wanna show you how to count what's good - and i don't mean the bill.
if it takes our whole damn lives to show you, babe i swear i will."
heheh.
"business cards embroidered into everything you own,
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
you're making phone calls every day, but you go home alone.
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
cheques are coming in on thursday,
sign direct deposit from your soul.
it's quite the tax.
always working his or her way,
baby, this damn life will eat you whole.
can't you just relax?
instead of loving who you are, you're loving what instead.
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
i don't know the price to pay to get inside your head,
ooh, it's a wonder to me, ooh.
pay the man to pay your way,
you'll need the extra papers to get by.
how do you ID?
training tells you what to say,
like how you love your job when it's a lie.
baby, come with me.
i wanna teach you to unlearn the things you've never cared to know,
want to take you every place you've always said you couldn't go,
wanna show you how to count what's good - and i don't mean the bill.
if it takes our whole damn lives to show you, babe i swear i will."
6.13.2011
i honestly have no idea what this is.
skies are grey and cloudy out in every direction,
i can't tell whether it's weather or another infection.
motorcyclist killed by a big mac truck on the highway,
eat fresh, yeah, i'm lovin' it, baby, doin' it my way.
catch up or be made into ketchup, this is the modern age,
not modern warfare, but close enough, on the final page.
page? what? can you define that for me?
i just scroll down the screen until i like what i see.
let's face it: the only paper we'll ever need
is for rap music videos or purchasing weed,
because everyone is plastic and i don't mean with credit -
even though i know i'm not the only one to have said it.
we're all fabricated images, we're only accepted by
lubricated imaginations with no need to question why.
either that, or we're real and we're feared,
because we've never liked the truth as it has ever appeared.
that's why man invented media and media trends,
because it's all about advertisement and means to the ends.
who needs a magic bullet? make some homemade cement!
it's not the only useless thing we've tried to invent.
we only buy this junk because we're drunk on media truth,
used to modify and multiply and sell back our youth.
and we buy it and hide the receipt so we can deny it,
justifying it by rolling it up and smoking or frying it.
supersize that please, no need to see my knees,
i'll just complain at a later date when i'm paying fees
for exra seats in vehicles whose specific fabrication
allows and even advertises blatant humiliation.
we all want to be small and yet the standard is not,
and no one seems to realize that "normal" is not sought.
you know we set the bar, right? those jeans are far too tight.
just put your sweats back on and kiss your fries goodnight.
google it up and seek out another diet,
set your mind to a mindset where you're willing to try it,
or change the standards under which your live is governed now,
because although we fear the change, it's got to happen somehow.
we're all fat and lazy, or drunk or drugged or crazy,
and the inconvient truth is that the sky's remaining hazy.
where did the seasons go? everything just stays the same,
and though there once were four, it's really just a name.
i don't even know what i'm babbling about, i'm just bored.
getting tired of an internet that i've already whored,
and i'm done with all the same old ways of wasting minutes, man.
i'm just like everyone else - got no attention span.
every day we pick up something new, we never follow through,
it comes back to the change that we're all freakin' allergic to.(achoo!)
whatever, 'cause the fact of the matter is we can all complain,
and boy do we ever, but we never seem to find refrain.
we all want things to fix themselves, which must mean they're broken,
but for all the problems named, no solutions are spoken -
well, actions speak louder than words, but who wants to start?
being different and liked is an extinct art.
and so we stick to where it's safe in eternal procrastination
in a distinct lack of revelation sweeping the nation.
and we amuse ourselves with reality only on the TV
when the real reality is everything we don't see.
kids raised in developed worlds living without a home
snorting powder off of a mirror 'cause they're angry and alone
addicting themselves to the closest thing to safety they've had
because at least if it's the same then it can't be that bad
and while they're killing themselves, other kids are killing each other
watching foreign second graders blow the head off their brother
watching hundreds of angry men hurling stones at their mother
and wondering if they should join in or look the other
way, because there's no such thing as stopping death
making change in the world where we all waste breath.
and if someone else doesn't get you, you might as well split
so pick your poison or your rope or which wrist you can slit.
this got dark all of a sudden, so let's turn on a light.
don't worry - some religion out there has to be right.
if we wait for long enough, someone'll save the day
so let's sit back, relax, and just hope to be okay.
ahahahahahahahahahahaha:
tell me, anyone, have we located our saviour yet?
well nevermind, he's probably busy surfin' the internet.
i can't tell whether it's weather or another infection.
motorcyclist killed by a big mac truck on the highway,
eat fresh, yeah, i'm lovin' it, baby, doin' it my way.
catch up or be made into ketchup, this is the modern age,
not modern warfare, but close enough, on the final page.
page? what? can you define that for me?
i just scroll down the screen until i like what i see.
let's face it: the only paper we'll ever need
is for rap music videos or purchasing weed,
because everyone is plastic and i don't mean with credit -
even though i know i'm not the only one to have said it.
we're all fabricated images, we're only accepted by
lubricated imaginations with no need to question why.
either that, or we're real and we're feared,
because we've never liked the truth as it has ever appeared.
that's why man invented media and media trends,
because it's all about advertisement and means to the ends.
who needs a magic bullet? make some homemade cement!
it's not the only useless thing we've tried to invent.
we only buy this junk because we're drunk on media truth,
used to modify and multiply and sell back our youth.
and we buy it and hide the receipt so we can deny it,
justifying it by rolling it up and smoking or frying it.
supersize that please, no need to see my knees,
i'll just complain at a later date when i'm paying fees
for exra seats in vehicles whose specific fabrication
allows and even advertises blatant humiliation.
we all want to be small and yet the standard is not,
and no one seems to realize that "normal" is not sought.
you know we set the bar, right? those jeans are far too tight.
just put your sweats back on and kiss your fries goodnight.
google it up and seek out another diet,
set your mind to a mindset where you're willing to try it,
or change the standards under which your live is governed now,
because although we fear the change, it's got to happen somehow.
we're all fat and lazy, or drunk or drugged or crazy,
and the inconvient truth is that the sky's remaining hazy.
where did the seasons go? everything just stays the same,
and though there once were four, it's really just a name.
i don't even know what i'm babbling about, i'm just bored.
getting tired of an internet that i've already whored,
and i'm done with all the same old ways of wasting minutes, man.
i'm just like everyone else - got no attention span.
every day we pick up something new, we never follow through,
it comes back to the change that we're all freakin' allergic to.(achoo!)
whatever, 'cause the fact of the matter is we can all complain,
and boy do we ever, but we never seem to find refrain.
we all want things to fix themselves, which must mean they're broken,
but for all the problems named, no solutions are spoken -
well, actions speak louder than words, but who wants to start?
being different and liked is an extinct art.
and so we stick to where it's safe in eternal procrastination
in a distinct lack of revelation sweeping the nation.
and we amuse ourselves with reality only on the TV
when the real reality is everything we don't see.
kids raised in developed worlds living without a home
snorting powder off of a mirror 'cause they're angry and alone
addicting themselves to the closest thing to safety they've had
because at least if it's the same then it can't be that bad
and while they're killing themselves, other kids are killing each other
watching foreign second graders blow the head off their brother
watching hundreds of angry men hurling stones at their mother
and wondering if they should join in or look the other
way, because there's no such thing as stopping death
making change in the world where we all waste breath.
and if someone else doesn't get you, you might as well split
so pick your poison or your rope or which wrist you can slit.
this got dark all of a sudden, so let's turn on a light.
don't worry - some religion out there has to be right.
if we wait for long enough, someone'll save the day
so let's sit back, relax, and just hope to be okay.
ahahahahahahahahahahaha:
tell me, anyone, have we located our saviour yet?
well nevermind, he's probably busy surfin' the internet.
this weekend
lyrics:
"bean bag chairs and glassy tanks,
and trendy indie piggy banks.
and you got every reference i could make.
your eyes are light and young and warm,
you finish words that i can't form -
oh boy, you know it's all that i can take.
maybe it's booze, or maybe it's love,
but i just think you're cute.
it's that goofy smile i'm thinking of,
and i just can't compute.
boy you're crazy, it's so simple,
wish i'd seen this way before.
i don't know just what to call it,
all i know is i want more."
i suppose i'll write the rest another time.
"bean bag chairs and glassy tanks,
and trendy indie piggy banks.
and you got every reference i could make.
your eyes are light and young and warm,
you finish words that i can't form -
oh boy, you know it's all that i can take.
maybe it's booze, or maybe it's love,
but i just think you're cute.
it's that goofy smile i'm thinking of,
and i just can't compute.
boy you're crazy, it's so simple,
wish i'd seen this way before.
i don't know just what to call it,
all i know is i want more."
i suppose i'll write the rest another time.
red lights and power lines
i've always said that i'm terrible at keeping in touch with people, and i know this to be the truth. the difference is that i've never cared before and now i'm finding myself feeling guilty for not trying because i do care this time around.
i miss you all so much.
i've been so exhausted working full-time that i haven't even been finding the time to get on facebook or skype or even check everyone's blog or tumblr like i usually do. even when i did on a regular basis, i never really made a point of actually telling people that hey, i care about what's going on in your life. i keep up with what you have to say because i value every word.
god, i miss you all so much.
i just wanted to apologize because i lumped you all in with so many other people from my past who i never deemed worthy of my time, which in and of itself is probably pretty shallow, but that's always the way it's been. it's hard to change, especially when i myself am experiencing new things, but the fact of the matter is that i have no excuse, no matter how tired or busy i am, because all the friends i have now are so very worth it to me in ways that i have never experienced before.
god, i fucking miss you all so much.
i don't even know if we're as close as i believe in my heart we are sometimes, but i guess that's just common insecurity talking. the fact of the matter is that i really care about you guys and if that means that i have to put myself out on a limb or make you feel weird about it the first go around, that's fine by me because you should know that people think about you and care about you even when it makes you blush or laugh or shrug. i guess what i'm really saying is sorry for not checking my blog and your blog and keeping in touch and just making myself available to you because i feel like for the first time in a long time i really do want to be there for someone, and i feel so blessed that it's really not just someone, it's someones.
god, i fucking miss you all so damn much.
i am so grateful for my experiences, and i fucking love mount allison university.
i can't wait to be home.
i miss you all so much.
i've been so exhausted working full-time that i haven't even been finding the time to get on facebook or skype or even check everyone's blog or tumblr like i usually do. even when i did on a regular basis, i never really made a point of actually telling people that hey, i care about what's going on in your life. i keep up with what you have to say because i value every word.
god, i miss you all so much.
i just wanted to apologize because i lumped you all in with so many other people from my past who i never deemed worthy of my time, which in and of itself is probably pretty shallow, but that's always the way it's been. it's hard to change, especially when i myself am experiencing new things, but the fact of the matter is that i have no excuse, no matter how tired or busy i am, because all the friends i have now are so very worth it to me in ways that i have never experienced before.
god, i fucking miss you all so much.
i don't even know if we're as close as i believe in my heart we are sometimes, but i guess that's just common insecurity talking. the fact of the matter is that i really care about you guys and if that means that i have to put myself out on a limb or make you feel weird about it the first go around, that's fine by me because you should know that people think about you and care about you even when it makes you blush or laugh or shrug. i guess what i'm really saying is sorry for not checking my blog and your blog and keeping in touch and just making myself available to you because i feel like for the first time in a long time i really do want to be there for someone, and i feel so blessed that it's really not just someone, it's someones.
god, i fucking miss you all so damn much.
i am so grateful for my experiences, and i fucking love mount allison university.
i can't wait to be home.
6.09.2011
blinking
"every bump in the road doesn't have to be a car crash."
sometimes i wonder if other people are overreacting,
or if i'm underreacting.
i know that borderline personality disorder is supposed to make it a little bit difficult to identify with other people, but i feel like i'm pretty emotional at the same time.
i don't even know what that means.
i just can't tell if i'm being insensitive,
or if other people are oversensitive.
i worry a lot about it,
but i don't know what to do.
i'm trying to care, and that doesn't mean that i don't -
but for some reason i just can't find the energy to expend
worrying the way you do.
relax,
take it easy.
i've been a lot happier since i learned to do the same,
but sometimes
i still wonder.
sometimes i wonder if other people are overreacting,
or if i'm underreacting.
i know that borderline personality disorder is supposed to make it a little bit difficult to identify with other people, but i feel like i'm pretty emotional at the same time.
i don't even know what that means.
i just can't tell if i'm being insensitive,
or if other people are oversensitive.
i worry a lot about it,
but i don't know what to do.
i'm trying to care, and that doesn't mean that i don't -
but for some reason i just can't find the energy to expend
worrying the way you do.
relax,
take it easy.
i've been a lot happier since i learned to do the same,
but sometimes
i still wonder.
6.02.2011
a sombre lullaby
well oops -
tried to write a nice little bedtime song, and this is what resulted...
i lol'd.
"goodnight, goodnight.
if i close my eyes, will i be alright?
today was hard, but now it's done.
i'm tired and gone, and so's the sun.
goodnight, goodnight.
i'm crawling into bed, turn out the light.
i want to sink into the sheets until i'm swallowed.
i want to sleep my life away, until i'm hollowed.
until i'm...
goodnight, goodnight.
when the morning rolls around, will i have strength to fight?
i've had to push to find my way,
and if it's all to be the same, i want to stay
in bed forever.
goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight."
tried to write a nice little bedtime song, and this is what resulted...
i lol'd.
"goodnight, goodnight.
if i close my eyes, will i be alright?
today was hard, but now it's done.
i'm tired and gone, and so's the sun.
goodnight, goodnight.
i'm crawling into bed, turn out the light.
i want to sink into the sheets until i'm swallowed.
i want to sleep my life away, until i'm hollowed.
until i'm...
goodnight, goodnight.
when the morning rolls around, will i have strength to fight?
i've had to push to find my way,
and if it's all to be the same, i want to stay
in bed forever.
goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight, goodnight,
goodnight."
i am the ocean
some lyrics, right, because why not, ya kno?
i should go to bed.
"there are days it seems i'm floating in the sea,
bobbing back and forth on what i should or shouldn't be.
and when it boils down, i'd rather drown
than be anything for anyone but me.
i won't falter,
i'm steady like the tide.
you won't alter
the sea of me inside.
there are waves in me that crash against the shore
of what i have today and what i'm waiting for,
but i never hide, i stay and i collide
wanting summer rays and ocean sprays and more.
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm.
there are days i'm lost, too far from any beach,
sinking and thinking your raft is out of reach.
but when i see the moon, i swell and i swoon
and i lap up the patience i preach.
i won't falter,
i'll rise and i will fall.
you won't alter
the ocean's constant call.
ooh~ (x4, varied... hard to explain this part, ahaha)
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm.
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm."
i should go to bed.
"there are days it seems i'm floating in the sea,
bobbing back and forth on what i should or shouldn't be.
and when it boils down, i'd rather drown
than be anything for anyone but me.
i won't falter,
i'm steady like the tide.
you won't alter
the sea of me inside.
there are waves in me that crash against the shore
of what i have today and what i'm waiting for,
but i never hide, i stay and i collide
wanting summer rays and ocean sprays and more.
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm.
there are days i'm lost, too far from any beach,
sinking and thinking your raft is out of reach.
but when i see the moon, i swell and i swoon
and i lap up the patience i preach.
i won't falter,
i'll rise and i will fall.
you won't alter
the ocean's constant call.
ooh~ (x4, varied... hard to explain this part, ahaha)
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm.
i am the ocean, you are the sailor in the storm,
ride it out, calm me down -
my love, please stick around.
i can be cold, i can be oh-so warm."
aaand back to our regularly scheduled programming,
i'm going blonde on saturday!
AAAAAHHHHH.
steph and i went to this cosmetology outlet just for a laugh and i tried on a blonde wig. it was weird as hell, obviously, because it was a wig, but i think i like it.
we'll find out anyway, ahahaha.
i'm so stoked for this weekend,
friday: sleepover/girls' night with sarah
saturday: BLONDE for three hours (that's how long it takes, btw, not how long i'll be blonde for, ahaha... unless it's really horrible), holy eff, and then chiwwin' wif melissa
sunday: sleeeeepthafuckin, i hope, and then steph's hausss <3
heheheheheh.
also,
i'm learning to make thread bracelets.
so far they're all pretty ratty, but they're getting better really fast.
woooooooooo!
AAAAAHHHHH.
steph and i went to this cosmetology outlet just for a laugh and i tried on a blonde wig. it was weird as hell, obviously, because it was a wig, but i think i like it.
we'll find out anyway, ahahaha.
i'm so stoked for this weekend,
friday: sleepover/girls' night with sarah
saturday: BLONDE for three hours (that's how long it takes, btw, not how long i'll be blonde for, ahaha... unless it's really horrible), holy eff, and then chiwwin' wif melissa
sunday: sleeeeepthafuckin, i hope, and then steph's hausss <3
heheheheheh.
also,
i'm learning to make thread bracelets.
so far they're all pretty ratty, but they're getting better really fast.
woooooooooo!
double dog
i dare you to share this post the way you share the one that you used to villainize me, by the way.
i doubt you will,
but if you do, i commend you.
you can't just promote your own view,
and call it just.
(... if i could stop being so damn forgetful, i wouldn't have to post like 900 entries in one go... argh.)
i doubt you will,
but if you do, i commend you.
you can't just promote your own view,
and call it just.
(... if i could stop being so damn forgetful, i wouldn't have to post like 900 entries in one go... argh.)
and in my usual, unedited, brash and harsh tone:
if i need to explain myself to you this in-depth,
we are probably not a good match for one another,
ahahahaha.
should you see fit,
please kindly remove yourself quietly and civilly from my existence.
i haven't the time to waste
on anything more elaborate or theatrical.
/end post that people will inevitably jump to and chew on,
despite the detailed explanation given below...
but it's easier to use only the evidence that is in your favour, right?
right. ;)
we are probably not a good match for one another,
ahahahaha.
should you see fit,
please kindly remove yourself quietly and civilly from my existence.
i haven't the time to waste
on anything more elaborate or theatrical.
/end post that people will inevitably jump to and chew on,
despite the detailed explanation given below...
but it's easier to use only the evidence that is in your favour, right?
right. ;)
the fine print
this is probably going to be a pretty long-winded post,
and it's also probably going to be one of the ones that people disagree with,
if you're of the group of people who generally tend to disagree with things i put on my blog.
i would like to say as a disclaimer,
which may or may not even be effective,
that if you're going to try to use this or any other post against me in any way, shape or form,
don't.
i simply do not care.
i encourage you to read as much of my blog as you'd like,
and i encourage you to disagree with what i write so long as it's what you believe in.
but i have no patience or energy to spend on your personal dramas.
if you'd like to discuss any difference of opinion with me (or with anyone else), i encourage it. i shape and reshape many of my opinions through discussion with other people, because there is no other way to get out of your own head.
i believe that failure to engage in meaningful discussions with people of different viewpoints is the true definition of ignorance.
that being said, sometimes ignorance is the easier and safer choice.
and i don't mean that in some sort of accusatory way - i'm not talking cowardice.
a hard lesson i've had to learn is to simply choose not to engage someone because you know that you'll get out of hand.
the hard part about it, though, is recognizing that it is you, and not the other person, that is the reason that the discussion cannot happen.
only you can be held responsible for the choices you make.
i have learned this lesson before,
and like all lessons, i continue to learn it in new scenarios all the time.
i encourage other people to take it into consideration as well.
should you choose, based on anything i say or post within this blog or without,
to no longer have relations with me - that is fine.
it is something i have had to do before with other people, and i respect that type of decision.
don't expect me to fight you as you go.
don't expect me to get angry or upset or try to change your mind.
i won't.
if you can leave that simply, that quickly, that easily,
you are not an acquaintance of any value to me right now.
emphasis: right now.
understand that just as you have made the choice to disengage from me,
i will both respect and return your actions.
however, i will always be open to the prospect of a later time,
at which the both of us will have grown and perhaps become better for one another.
people change - and sometimes that change can be trying.
if a lack of my influence will ease your transition,
so be it. i wish you the best of luck.
to the people who have inevitably figured out that this is directed at them:
i hope you are reading this.
my viewpoints constantly change, and as such my blog shows quite the evolution of my own thoughts when it comes to the content posted here.
as i said before, i especially value discussion - my opinions honestly change after every interaction i experience. sometimes the change is great, and sometimes it isn't. sometimes the change is in the form of a question of my previous beliefs, and sometimes it is in the form of those beliefs being strengthened.
either way, as i said before - things change.
i hope you will check back to see them so as not to close your mind to who and what i am.
i cannot be defined in one post.
however, should you choose to try, it is your choice and your loss.
and of course, that being said, check back in your own time.
and again, just to clarify,
to the people who have inevitably figured out that this is directed at them:
no, my viewpoints on the issue that sparked all the recent controversy has not changed. in a better state of mind, as i have said before, it has calmed, but remained unchanged all the same.
as i explained to sarah, a person i have great respect for,
this blog is, as much as it is a public website, a personal tool.
should anything i post here startle or confuse you,
i encourage you to ask.
ask, ask, ask.
we will both find answers in your questions.
and to ben, a person whose different opinions i have often considered and valued,
and i mean this as an expression of my opinion, withholding any offense,
i hope you grow up soon so we can regain the common ground we once shared.
and once more, that being said,
i know we all have a little growing up to do yet.
and it's also probably going to be one of the ones that people disagree with,
if you're of the group of people who generally tend to disagree with things i put on my blog.
i would like to say as a disclaimer,
which may or may not even be effective,
that if you're going to try to use this or any other post against me in any way, shape or form,
don't.
i simply do not care.
i encourage you to read as much of my blog as you'd like,
and i encourage you to disagree with what i write so long as it's what you believe in.
but i have no patience or energy to spend on your personal dramas.
if you'd like to discuss any difference of opinion with me (or with anyone else), i encourage it. i shape and reshape many of my opinions through discussion with other people, because there is no other way to get out of your own head.
i believe that failure to engage in meaningful discussions with people of different viewpoints is the true definition of ignorance.
that being said, sometimes ignorance is the easier and safer choice.
and i don't mean that in some sort of accusatory way - i'm not talking cowardice.
a hard lesson i've had to learn is to simply choose not to engage someone because you know that you'll get out of hand.
the hard part about it, though, is recognizing that it is you, and not the other person, that is the reason that the discussion cannot happen.
only you can be held responsible for the choices you make.
i have learned this lesson before,
and like all lessons, i continue to learn it in new scenarios all the time.
i encourage other people to take it into consideration as well.
should you choose, based on anything i say or post within this blog or without,
to no longer have relations with me - that is fine.
it is something i have had to do before with other people, and i respect that type of decision.
don't expect me to fight you as you go.
don't expect me to get angry or upset or try to change your mind.
i won't.
if you can leave that simply, that quickly, that easily,
you are not an acquaintance of any value to me right now.
emphasis: right now.
understand that just as you have made the choice to disengage from me,
i will both respect and return your actions.
however, i will always be open to the prospect of a later time,
at which the both of us will have grown and perhaps become better for one another.
people change - and sometimes that change can be trying.
if a lack of my influence will ease your transition,
so be it. i wish you the best of luck.
to the people who have inevitably figured out that this is directed at them:
i hope you are reading this.
my viewpoints constantly change, and as such my blog shows quite the evolution of my own thoughts when it comes to the content posted here.
as i said before, i especially value discussion - my opinions honestly change after every interaction i experience. sometimes the change is great, and sometimes it isn't. sometimes the change is in the form of a question of my previous beliefs, and sometimes it is in the form of those beliefs being strengthened.
either way, as i said before - things change.
i hope you will check back to see them so as not to close your mind to who and what i am.
i cannot be defined in one post.
however, should you choose to try, it is your choice and your loss.
and of course, that being said, check back in your own time.
and again, just to clarify,
to the people who have inevitably figured out that this is directed at them:
no, my viewpoints on the issue that sparked all the recent controversy has not changed. in a better state of mind, as i have said before, it has calmed, but remained unchanged all the same.
as i explained to sarah, a person i have great respect for,
this blog is, as much as it is a public website, a personal tool.
should anything i post here startle or confuse you,
i encourage you to ask.
ask, ask, ask.
we will both find answers in your questions.
and to ben, a person whose different opinions i have often considered and valued,
and i mean this as an expression of my opinion, withholding any offense,
i hope you grow up soon so we can regain the common ground we once shared.
and once more, that being said,
i know we all have a little growing up to do yet.
6.01.2011
black and white
it's strange; i always forget other people read this.
it's always an odd mixture of feelings when i'm reminded... like flattery, dread, and just plain confusion.
i won't apologize for the things i say, because i say them for a reason.
but i apologize for making you feel something
that i neither intended or expected.
so thank you.
facebook was even more surprising tonight:
[You]
hey girl! i'm sure it's a sensitive subject for you and i just wanted to be sure that you understood that i meant no personal offense on any level with the "that's so" debate - just sharing a different opinion!
and like i said, i completely understand your viewpoint - it just isn't something i know personally, so naturally mine's different :)
[Sarah Works]
i know you didn't mean it to personally offend me or to anyone else
but after reading your blog
i can't respect your views
[You]
and that's fine - my blog is a personal tool i use to vent, so generally what i say on there comes out pretty raw :P i was angry when i wrote what i did and although some of it was expressed fairly roughly, i stand by it. my argument on facebook was obviously made in a calmer state of mind, which is why it's a little bit more refined, you know?
i'm not trying to make anyone agree with my views - i'm just trying to make people aware that there are views like mine out there.
if my blog did offend you i apologize, ahaha. again all i can say is it was written out of anger and i don't regret writing it because it helped me personally. i hope your campaign helps you in the same way. :)
[Sarah Works]
thanks Sam
as i said i try to fight my brothers battle for him as best I can
this is just me trying :)
[You]
no problem at all - again, i may not completely understand your situation, but i can do my best to try, and i will. and i can never look down on someone who stands up for what, and WHO they believe in
i may be a little brash at times, but if you ever need to talk, let me know. i can sometimes listen better than i can communicate, heheheh.
it's always an odd mixture of feelings when i'm reminded... like flattery, dread, and just plain confusion.
i won't apologize for the things i say, because i say them for a reason.
but i apologize for making you feel something
that i neither intended or expected.
so thank you.
facebook was even more surprising tonight:
[You]
hey girl! i'm sure it's a sensitive subject for you and i just wanted to be sure that you understood that i meant no personal offense on any level with the "that's so" debate - just sharing a different opinion!
and like i said, i completely understand your viewpoint - it just isn't something i know personally, so naturally mine's different :)
[Sarah Works]
i know you didn't mean it to personally offend me or to anyone else
but after reading your blog
i can't respect your views
[You]
and that's fine - my blog is a personal tool i use to vent, so generally what i say on there comes out pretty raw :P i was angry when i wrote what i did and although some of it was expressed fairly roughly, i stand by it. my argument on facebook was obviously made in a calmer state of mind, which is why it's a little bit more refined, you know?
i'm not trying to make anyone agree with my views - i'm just trying to make people aware that there are views like mine out there.
if my blog did offend you i apologize, ahaha. again all i can say is it was written out of anger and i don't regret writing it because it helped me personally. i hope your campaign helps you in the same way. :)
[Sarah Works]
thanks Sam
as i said i try to fight my brothers battle for him as best I can
this is just me trying :)
[You]
no problem at all - again, i may not completely understand your situation, but i can do my best to try, and i will. and i can never look down on someone who stands up for what, and WHO they believe in
i may be a little brash at times, but if you ever need to talk, let me know. i can sometimes listen better than i can communicate, heheheh.
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