okay but really this time

things have been shitty.

and i guess that's what you get for tattooing 11:11 on the back of your neck and then missing wishing hour for days on end afterward, but hey.
all i do is fuck up anyway.

i miss people who do not miss me.

every time i'm away from my phone i feel so fucking anxious,
like i'll miss something so important,
miss someone so in need,
but then i remember:
nobody needs me.
ever.

seriously - who the fuck ever calls me?
fuck that.

you know the girl at the bar that guys only fuck when they're drunk?
i'm the girl on msn that guys only TALK TO when they're drunk.
now what does that tell you?

i always call the same person when i'm feeling sad,
and i feel fucking guilty as hell about it,
because i am sad
ALL THE TIME.

wow i'm annoying.
i am so, so sorry.

i sit on the phone in silence for hours,
and i don't make conversation when i should, when it matters,
and then when i do make conversation, the phone dies.

and if my conversation doesn't even matter enough for electronics to hold out for me,
like if it doesn't matter enough for this DEAD THING WITH NO HEART to be there for me,
who am i to tell myself that living things will give a shit either?

i am the laughing stock of everything that ever was.
"i've told you a million times: don't exaggerate."
and yes. i would like a boyfriend. fuck.

i just want you to know that despite all this shit,
i cry the hardest at the stereotypical teenage girl crap.

i just want you to know that i am trying to stop caring,
the same way everyone else has.

cheers.