y/n

you try to tell me happiness is a choice.
but mom, you took that choice away from me
before my hands were even big enough
to hold all the things i'm supposed to be.
i'm supposed to be happy,
or so i was told.
and i'm not sure if i missed the instructions,
skipped a step, took a detour not marked down on your map,
but mom, i am trying to choose your happiness
and every day is a fucking riddle that i get wrong.
show me the way and i will go -
i will go all the way back to the beginning,
back to when you put me here because choice -
mom, your choice -
was to put me here.
i never chose to be born,
and yet you chose to have me.
you chose to take your broken pieces
and mash them in with dad's old shards
and i am just a crack in the mirror,
seven years of bad luck and i have been trapped in the sixth year
for as long as i can even count
and mom -
you talk about choice and then ignore the one you made
to walk out on the children whose lives you gave.
you try to tell me happiness is a choice,
but mom, you're the only one
who has ever had
any of those.