i can't believe i thought that anything would be different and that i would be worth it this time just because he wasn't an asshole like the rest of them when i've known the whole time that it has nothing to do with them when i'm the common factor and i'm the repeat offender and i'm the fucking problem and i can't believe i let myself feel safe when i should have known what was coming the way i knew it all the other times even if i did fall right into the trap anyway because at least back then i was ready and i wasn't completely stupefied and humiliated and fucking devastated.
i'm so tired of being a fucking idiot.
i really do want to die.
i wish none of this had happened at all.
i fucking hate him and i know, i know i don't.
i can't stop crying.
what a fucking joke. as if i'd ever be worth the trouble.
such a solitary suicide, my life is,
and i'm taking my sweet fucking time.
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