helium

i feel like
someone somewhere let out a breath of relief;
the exhalation of their anxieties bleeding into me and i,
i am too full of my own gulps for air, my own
gasps for breath,

the instinctual reprieve.

i hate to use the old cliches but,
they are cliches for a reason, and i am

drowning, and i am

ready to sink.

i am buoyed against my will
by breaths that were supposed to be comforting,
that were supposed to feel okay.

i am fit to bursting,
my skin stretched like a sad party decoration left for a week
in the room of a child who doesn't want to forget
the birthday where she finally
got a cake and i -

i don't understand this shape that i have taken.

i am so blown out of proportion.