if i had succeeded

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't be here right now.
working a minimum wage office job,
9 - 5 every summer.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have given up acting.
i wouldn't have given up volleyball, soccer, rugby.
i wouldn't have changed.

if i had succeeded,
maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad,
and my mother would still love me.
maybe. maybe. maybe.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have lost old friends.
but if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have gained new ones.


if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have gone blonde.
i wouldn't have gotten my tattoos.
i wouldn't ever have liked myself.


if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have finished high school.
i wouldn't have been elected valedictorian,
i wouldn't have given that speech.

if i had succeeded,
i never would have gone to university.
i never would have seen the atlantic.
i never would have missed the cold.

if i had succeeded,
i wouldn't have lost old friends,
because if i had succeeded,
they would have lost me.