4:45 and i'm finally burning out

i am a 114lb blonde girl
with blue eyes and straight teeth
and lips that i stain and brows that i pluck
and fair skin with light freckling.

i am told that i'm funny and i believe it
and i'm brutally honest most of the time
but i promise it's only out of passion
and the belief that it is the best policy.

i am outgoing, if not a little bit abrasive
and i mostly try to keep my problems to myself
unless i am tired or somebody asks to hear a joke
so that they can feel better.

i suppose my voice is a little bit deep
and i swear and yell quite often as well
but other than that i do try my best
to be dainty and girly and nice.

(but my best is not enough.)

and this is the part where i want to ask you
if you hated me the moment you read the first paragraph
because i don't mind admitting that i sound like the blandest little
high school prep girl that everybody loves to hate.

i sound like the dumbest little empty person
and the snarkiest description of a "perfect" girl
according to everything i fucking read online
but i want you to know that i'm not.

i promise.

i suck.

i am still sad and lonely most of the time
because no matter what you do in the world
your positive traits can still make people hate you
sometimes even more than your negative traits.

there is no point in trying to be skinny everyone
no point in trying to be pretty and well-dressed
and most of all there is no point in trying to be blonde
because the root situation is an absolute mess

and you can strive all you want for that magazine body
that magazine lifestyle and that magazine personality
but the real you always seems to shine through
and man, is it something to hate.