wow, for real

i just read through a bunch of retweets or whatever on twitter;
this guy (@fart i think, ahaha idek) reblogged a bunch of snotty christmas tweets, basically just a bunch of people bitching about not getting cars or iphones or ipads or fucking whatever,
or getting them in THE WRONG COLOUR.
LIKE. WHAT.

and it's just this compilation of people outright BITCHING,
swearing at their parents and just throwing absolute tantrums on christmas day.
and some of them are even like,
"i feel bad for not getting my mom a christmas present but my iphone won't activate!"
like. i honestly cannot even. i just can't.

the part that makes me the most angry isn't even that some of them are young kids, like young enough that when i was their age i would never have DARED ask for a car or an iphone or whatever (i still wouldn't, wtf),
no, the worst part is that some of them are people AS OLD OR OLDER than i am.
throwing tantrums over their gifts.
on christmas fucking day.

my biggest disappointments with most recently passed christmases were
that my mom and stepdad were sick and didn't decorate because of it.
that my uncle was sick and couldn't make it for dinner because of it.
that i had no trouble at all falling asleep on christmas eve anymore.
that friends bought me gifts and i felt like a fucking poor person not being able to get them anything in return.
that i couldn't afford to buy my family the gifts i know they'd REALLY love.

and maybe i'm a little sour because of the last one,
because i know how it feels to have to settle on an alternative when you KNOW what it is that the person you're buying for would really like and you KNOW you just can't do it.

wow.
just wow.

this year the favourite gifts i received were wool socks from both parents because i never outright asked for them but it showed me that they listen,
homemade caramel corn and chocolate from a friend who lives in england,
a set of nail-clippers and other nail-care tools because it's one of those little things i always forget to buy even though i desperately need it,
and clothing that my mother and i went to buy together.

the reason the last one even made the list -
although i love all the clothing i got, of course, and i'm excited to wear them -
is because my mother and i spent four whole days together, all day,
eating lunch together and shopping and talking
and not fighting. not once.

i also found out that i'm set to inherit my grandmother's old tea china collection,
which all my friends are sick of hearing about i'm sure,
but i'm so fucking excited.

this christmas was amazing.

as lonely as i was back home
(because it's incredible how quickly things and people change when you're away)
i also realized how close i really am and how much i really appreciate
my friends from school.

i've video chatted with rory and liz,
had dinner and gone shopping with cass,
kept in contact with sam on facebook,
and ultimately i have just felt fucking connected to people for the first time in a long time, and this feeling is just strengthened by the fact that these people are from so far away and yet i know that they are close.

fuck.

i don't even know where this blog is going now, ahahahaha.
i'm so filled with anger from what i see in strangers, but for once i have somewhere else to look.
i have friends. real friends.
and i fucking love them.

so fuck your car,
fuck your iphone and your ipad,
and your 8gb, 4s, $700 internet bitching.

merry christmas,
really and truly.
happy holidays.