how do you tell someone that you have a personality disorder that makes it so that you will essentially idealize them one day and totally demonize them the next?
it sounds stupid to even blame that on a one-shot diagnosis.
i want to tell him that for every day that i let myself care about him,
there will be a day when i tell myself that something is off,
and that thing will usually be him.
it won't even be that anything is wrong, and it definitely won't be his fault.
but how do you explain that?
i feel like i'm essentially telling someone to just forgive me for not being able to be normal because i'm a terrible person from a medical standpoint.
and that just doesn't feel like enough.
how am i supposed to explain that my behaviour isn't actually my desired behaviour as much as it is a reaction to a perceived world that contains more psychological threats in my mind than it actually does, or than it does to a normal person?
how do you essentially warn someone that they will have to deal with the fact that i'm apparently not supposed to be held responsible for my own actions, and that they basically just have to deal with the fact that i'm a terrible person?
like fuck.
does any of this make sense?
it still fucking doesn't to me.
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