hill

i don't know what i want.

and when i say that, i don't even mean
that there's a long list of pros and cons involved.
there isn't.

what i mean is that i literally cannot tell
what i'm feeling or thinking right now.

it seems to me that
i don't feel the same way about you that you feel about me.
but i know that
that could change in an instant - especially if i do something i'll regret.

i guess what it boils down to is that
i'm staying with you right now, even though i don't want to, because i know that if i break it off and regret it (which is likely), i won't know what to do.
and i can't tell if i'm just going through a low point and i'll still like you when i switch, or if i actually don't feel that way about you anymore.

fear is playing a factor, too, if we're being honest.

as much as i keep telling you to calm down,
i wish i could too.