collide

i have five minutes to write this blog,
and for some reason that's making me really anxious,
even though i have nothing to really write about
in the first place.

i have a blister on my foot that i swear to god will be the death of me.
ah, you hurt me sir, you do.

i've got my heater on full and my window wide open
and it's weird because i'm sitting right in the middle
of the cold and the hot.

i got up early and ate a lemon tart
and cheese and crackers for breakfast this morning.

i should eat better.

i have a friend who confessed that she's skipping meals.
oh why oh why oh why oh -

i hate this shit.
it always feels like it's my fault.
and then i feel like an egotist.

all i mean is that:
if i was a little fatter,
if i was a little uglier,
if i was a little stupider,

other people wouldn't:
feel bad about themselves,
feel bad about me,
feel bad feel bad feel bad.

also,
nobody would hound me for sex.
which would also be great,
thanks.

heheheheheheheheheheh -
despite it all, though
i'm taking my meds
and i'm feeling okay.

happy
happy
happy.