today i got in a fight and cried
and then sang to some girls whose company i enjoy
and things were better.
hey guyz, what's up?
wuv yew.
here are some more lyrics i wrote,
but these ones don't have a melody:
"pockets full of train receipts,
and things i cannot hold again.
i know it's early, but i'm beat.
i can't wait to grow old again.
i want to go away,
but i won't pay a dime
to go to somewhere beautiful
if i'll have to leave in time.
somewhere far and beautiful
i'll have to leave in time.
brochures full of paradises,
built on steel and stone;
beaches of all different sizes -
full of people, all alone.
i want to go away,
but i won't even try
to go to somewhere beautiful
until the day i die.
somewhere far and beautiful
until the day i die."
3.31.2011
3.29.2011
newspaper articles
greet me with a smile:
"hey, it's been a while."
i know it's been too many days
of seeing errors in our ways.
i know you're onto bigger things,
like buying someone else's rings,
but do you mind if i conclude
our sticky story's interlude?
i forgive us both.
it always boils down to this:
of every boy i'd ever kiss,
of every could-have, would-have, should -
we might have been something good.
we might have been something good.
"hey, it's been a while."
i know it's been too many days
of seeing errors in our ways.
i know you're onto bigger things,
like buying someone else's rings,
but do you mind if i conclude
our sticky story's interlude?
i forgive us both.
it always boils down to this:
of every boy i'd ever kiss,
of every could-have, would-have, should -
we might have been something good.
we might have been something good.
delicious
i have a tonsilloth.
oh, hello there, little guy.
google it.
no, don't.
trust me, it's gross.
and also, it hurts.
it's 5am and i'm only six pages in
to a twenty page paper.
it's due at 2:30.
fuuuck.
oh, hello there, little guy.
google it.
no, don't.
trust me, it's gross.
and also, it hurts.
it's 5am and i'm only six pages in
to a twenty page paper.
it's due at 2:30.
fuuuck.
3.28.2011
janet templeton
i've stopped taking my medication again.
i think i'm getting sick.
i got a fish.
they're all different names for the same thing.
i think i'm getting sick.
i got a fish.
they're all different names for the same thing.
3.26.2011
3.25%
i was thinking about you today.
sometimes it really feels like there's no such thing as getting better, and that everything will just go on and on being mediocre or worse for the rest of everything ever, you know?
i want to be high all the time.
i'm so tired of being low.
ah well.
for the record,
even though we haven't talked to each other in about a year now,
you'll still be invited to my funeral.
we promised.
sometimes it really feels like there's no such thing as getting better, and that everything will just go on and on being mediocre or worse for the rest of everything ever, you know?
i want to be high all the time.
i'm so tired of being low.
ah well.
for the record,
even though we haven't talked to each other in about a year now,
you'll still be invited to my funeral.
we promised.
visine
it didn't have to be an issue.
hell, it didn't have to be anything.
you fucking know that.
how dare you make me feel guilty for something
that i should not have to feel anything about.
how fucking dare you.
and how fucking dare i fall for your shit
and have sex with you only to be told AFTER THE FACT
that "we can't do this anymore".
DO WHAT ANYMORE?
HAVE COMPLETELY NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED SEX
TO MAKE US BOTH FEEL BETTER ABOUT OUR SHITTY LIVES?
DO WHAT ANYMORE?
i fucking cannot believe i fell for your fucking shit.
i fucking cannot believe i fell for your fucking shit,
again.
hell, it didn't have to be anything.
you fucking know that.
how dare you make me feel guilty for something
that i should not have to feel anything about.
how fucking dare you.
and how fucking dare i fall for your shit
and have sex with you only to be told AFTER THE FACT
that "we can't do this anymore".
DO WHAT ANYMORE?
HAVE COMPLETELY NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED SEX
TO MAKE US BOTH FEEL BETTER ABOUT OUR SHITTY LIVES?
DO WHAT ANYMORE?
i fucking cannot believe i fell for your fucking shit.
i fucking cannot believe i fell for your fucking shit,
again.
3.23.2011
accidental
made him cum early tonight,
HAAA, oops.
li'l raunchy, even for me.
seriously though, i like this boy.
the fact that he can't last more than five seconds in my hands?
cute, cute, cute.
talked about his ex afterwards.
talked about his exchange.
talked about how he always puts on pants when i come over,
just so i can take them off.
this one doesn't feel so bad.
i rike it,
i rike it
a rot.
HAAA, oops.
li'l raunchy, even for me.
seriously though, i like this boy.
the fact that he can't last more than five seconds in my hands?
cute, cute, cute.
talked about his ex afterwards.
talked about his exchange.
talked about how he always puts on pants when i come over,
just so i can take them off.
this one doesn't feel so bad.
i rike it,
i rike it
a rot.
sardinez
i had a dream last night that i was at some gigantic buffet,
and someone told me i should try these huge sardine-looking things.
they were about a foot long and really skinny,
didn't really look that great.
ANYWAY,
i took a bite out of one and got a mouthful of bones
and nasty, uncooked fish.
so i spat it out.
consequently,
i woke myself up this morning
by spitting on my own face.
haaa, what the fuck.
and someone told me i should try these huge sardine-looking things.
they were about a foot long and really skinny,
didn't really look that great.
ANYWAY,
i took a bite out of one and got a mouthful of bones
and nasty, uncooked fish.
so i spat it out.
consequently,
i woke myself up this morning
by spitting on my own face.
haaa, what the fuck.
3.22.2011
collide
i have five minutes to write this blog,
and for some reason that's making me really anxious,
even though i have nothing to really write about
in the first place.
i have a blister on my foot that i swear to god will be the death of me.
ah, you hurt me sir, you do.
i've got my heater on full and my window wide open
and it's weird because i'm sitting right in the middle
of the cold and the hot.
i got up early and ate a lemon tart
and cheese and crackers for breakfast this morning.
i should eat better.
i have a friend who confessed that she's skipping meals.
oh why oh why oh why oh -
i hate this shit.
it always feels like it's my fault.
and then i feel like an egotist.
all i mean is that:
if i was a little fatter,
if i was a little uglier,
if i was a little stupider,
other people wouldn't:
feel bad about themselves,
feel bad about me,
feel bad feel bad feel bad.
also,
nobody would hound me for sex.
which would also be great,
thanks.
heheheheheheheheheheh -
despite it all, though
i'm taking my meds
and i'm feeling okay.
happy
happy
happy.
and for some reason that's making me really anxious,
even though i have nothing to really write about
in the first place.
i have a blister on my foot that i swear to god will be the death of me.
ah, you hurt me sir, you do.
i've got my heater on full and my window wide open
and it's weird because i'm sitting right in the middle
of the cold and the hot.
i got up early and ate a lemon tart
and cheese and crackers for breakfast this morning.
i should eat better.
i have a friend who confessed that she's skipping meals.
oh why oh why oh why oh -
i hate this shit.
it always feels like it's my fault.
and then i feel like an egotist.
all i mean is that:
if i was a little fatter,
if i was a little uglier,
if i was a little stupider,
other people wouldn't:
feel bad about themselves,
feel bad about me,
feel bad feel bad feel bad.
also,
nobody would hound me for sex.
which would also be great,
thanks.
heheheheheheheheheheh -
despite it all, though
i'm taking my meds
and i'm feeling okay.
happy
happy
happy.
3.21.2011
3.19.2011
crank
alright, already the show goes on
alright, 'til the morning, we dream so long.
anybody every wonder when they would see the sun up?
just remember when you come up,
the show goes on
alright.
fuck everyone.
alright, 'til the morning, we dream so long.
anybody every wonder when they would see the sun up?
just remember when you come up,
the show goes on
alright.
fuck everyone.
3.16.2011
o'malleable
(i really like these lyrics.
mostly because i feel like these are the most "mine"
that any set of lyrics will ever be.
i can't explain it.)
i am yellow, i am green
i am everything you've never seen
i'm pebbles, i am gold
i am stories told and sold
i am piggy banks and prodigies
and endless days of scabby knees
a crooked crocodile
an easy being to beguile
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
i am turtles in a shell
i am going straight to hell
i am rain on sunny days
i am falsely given praise
i am ice cream cones and toffee
i am caramel and coffee
i'm reflections on a lake
i am the laugh that isn't fake
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours
i'm wooden chairs and keys to open doors
i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours
i'm sailors on the search for open shores
but mostly i am yours.
pills to help you sleep at night
a wide-awak'ning pillow-fight
i'm a lazy summer's day
i am a feeling in the way
i am not at all if less is more
and everything if more is less
a creaky wooden floor
i am your clear, decisive yes
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
mostly because i feel like these are the most "mine"
that any set of lyrics will ever be.
i can't explain it.)
i am yellow, i am green
i am everything you've never seen
i'm pebbles, i am gold
i am stories told and sold
i am piggy banks and prodigies
and endless days of scabby knees
a crooked crocodile
an easy being to beguile
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
i am turtles in a shell
i am going straight to hell
i am rain on sunny days
i am falsely given praise
i am ice cream cones and toffee
i am caramel and coffee
i'm reflections on a lake
i am the laugh that isn't fake
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours
i'm wooden chairs and keys to open doors
i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours
i'm sailors on the search for open shores
but mostly i am yours.
pills to help you sleep at night
a wide-awak'ning pillow-fight
i'm a lazy summer's day
i am a feeling in the way
i am not at all if less is more
and everything if more is less
a creaky wooden floor
i am your clear, decisive yes
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
come on, take me
ooh, make me
anything you want.
vinegar
i really hope people don't mind that i read their blogs.
i mean, if it's on the internet,
it's probably okay, right?
i just want you to know that whenever you're posting because you're feeling bored or bad, or even when you're perfectly fine and you're posting,
i find you fascinating.
and i hope that's worth something to you,
and i hope it reminds you that you're not alone,
when you need reminding.
i mean, if it's on the internet,
it's probably okay, right?
i just want you to know that whenever you're posting because you're feeling bored or bad, or even when you're perfectly fine and you're posting,
i find you fascinating.
and i hope that's worth something to you,
and i hope it reminds you that you're not alone,
when you need reminding.
mister
i want you to know that you were the boy
who was supposed to prove me wrong.
and that that kind of expectation
isn't one i should have put on anybody.
i'm sorry.
i hope that we can be friends eventually,
although i can't give you a time frame for that either right now.
i need to keep blaming you,
so that i don't blame myself.
because really,
once it comes to that,
that's when it's all over.
who was supposed to prove me wrong.
and that that kind of expectation
isn't one i should have put on anybody.
i'm sorry.
i hope that we can be friends eventually,
although i can't give you a time frame for that either right now.
i need to keep blaming you,
so that i don't blame myself.
because really,
once it comes to that,
that's when it's all over.
3.15.2011
200
i keep crying for no reason,
it's pathetic.
i give up:
i'm going back on the medication
that i was never supposed to be off of
in the first place.
i'm tired of being fueled
by someone else's science experiment.
it's pathetic.
i give up:
i'm going back on the medication
that i was never supposed to be off of
in the first place.
i'm tired of being fueled
by someone else's science experiment.
3.14.2011
grave of the fireflies
i can't imagine what the people in japan are going through right now,
but mostly what i can imagine is having no one to blame for it.
it's not fair.
it's incredible how i can live day-to-day
and feel like the weakest person alive -
while other people somewhere else in the world
are doing the exact same thing (or trying to)
and are so much stronger than i am.
i couldn't do it.
it's a strange mix of emotions when you realize all at once that you're just a helpless individual at the mercy of the universe, and that so many people are ignorant and yet so many people are strong.
when you realize that you're ashamed to be from a certain place in the world,
but so fucking proud to be a part of the world at all.
i am proud of the human race,
in spite of it all.
but even that seems wrong.
i don't know.
grave of the fireflies was an incredible movie.
i cried like a baby. i wanted to crawl into someone's lap like a child when it was done.
but there were no laps around.
(hi wallace.)
my lord.
but mostly what i can imagine is having no one to blame for it.
it's not fair.
it's incredible how i can live day-to-day
and feel like the weakest person alive -
while other people somewhere else in the world
are doing the exact same thing (or trying to)
and are so much stronger than i am.
i couldn't do it.
it's a strange mix of emotions when you realize all at once that you're just a helpless individual at the mercy of the universe, and that so many people are ignorant and yet so many people are strong.
when you realize that you're ashamed to be from a certain place in the world,
but so fucking proud to be a part of the world at all.
i am proud of the human race,
in spite of it all.
but even that seems wrong.
i don't know.
grave of the fireflies was an incredible movie.
i cried like a baby. i wanted to crawl into someone's lap like a child when it was done.
but there were no laps around.
(hi wallace.)
my lord.
3.13.2011
thank you
[9:39:30 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: fun? lol
[9:39:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: no, actually
[9:39:44 PM] Samantha Hogan: i actually want to die
[9:39:51 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm so tired of everything being this fucking cheap
[9:39:53 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm so fucking done
[9:39:55 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: then tell him no? and no u dont, dont be stupid
[9:40:16 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u just need to exercise ur ability to say no lol
[9:40:16 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm just exhausted. it's too fucking hard.
[9:40:30 PM] Samantha Hogan: i do say no. more often than not, it gets ignored.
[9:40:43 PM] Samantha Hogan: i've been told multiple times "you don't mean that" when i tell guys i don't want to hook up
[9:40:44 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: then hurt someone
[9:40:55 PM] Samantha Hogan: oh okay good. glad they know what i want apparently better than i do
[9:41:12 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: dont let them come back with u
[9:41:20 PM] Samantha Hogan: after all, i'm not a human being, i'm just a fucking vessel into which people store their fucking dicks
[9:41:41 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: k calm down please
[9:41:45 PM] Samantha Hogan: how the fuck am i supposed to walk home alone when that thought alone scares me, and all i want is to be able to walk home with someone and not feel like i'm obligated to fuck them for it
[9:42:02 PM] Samantha Hogan: and i ended up sitting in my room apologizing for NOT having sex with him
[9:42:10 PM] Samantha Hogan: which like, great, yeah, because i owed him that or something, wtf
[9:42:15 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm tired of feeling worthless
[9:42:17 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm tired.
[9:42:21 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: well at least u didnt have sex with him, and ur not worthless
[9:42:34 PM] Samantha Hogan: oh right, sorry. i'm good for sex.
[9:42:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: correction.
[9:42:56 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u need to calm down ur in university where most people are only looking for sex
[9:42:58 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: it will change
[9:43:07 PM] Samantha Hogan: that's what people said about high school
[9:43:12 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm pretty sure the common factor here is me
[9:43:21 PM] Samantha Hogan: it doesn't matter where i am. i need to stop using that as an excuse.
[9:43:23 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: and if they told it about university they they are fucking idiots
[9:43:44 PM] Samantha Hogan: the fact of the matter is, i am not worth people taking the time to do anything more than get off and leave me.
[9:43:51 PM] Samantha Hogan: if i was, it would have happened by now.
[9:43:52 PM] Samantha Hogan: voila.
[9:44:16 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: ur 19, ur young as fuck
[9:44:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: yeah, and i'm already fucking exhausted with the effort of trying to MATTER TO ANYONE
[9:44:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: EVER
[9:44:58 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u cant make it happen sam it has to come with the right guy
[9:45:06 PM] Samantha Hogan: or the right girl
[9:45:10 PM] Samantha Hogan: and i am not that.
for letting me bear my soul
instead of bearing my body.
[9:39:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: no, actually
[9:39:44 PM] Samantha Hogan: i actually want to die
[9:39:51 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm so tired of everything being this fucking cheap
[9:39:53 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm so fucking done
[9:39:55 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: then tell him no? and no u dont, dont be stupid
[9:40:16 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u just need to exercise ur ability to say no lol
[9:40:16 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm just exhausted. it's too fucking hard.
[9:40:30 PM] Samantha Hogan: i do say no. more often than not, it gets ignored.
[9:40:43 PM] Samantha Hogan: i've been told multiple times "you don't mean that" when i tell guys i don't want to hook up
[9:40:44 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: then hurt someone
[9:40:55 PM] Samantha Hogan: oh okay good. glad they know what i want apparently better than i do
[9:41:12 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: dont let them come back with u
[9:41:20 PM] Samantha Hogan: after all, i'm not a human being, i'm just a fucking vessel into which people store their fucking dicks
[9:41:41 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: k calm down please
[9:41:45 PM] Samantha Hogan: how the fuck am i supposed to walk home alone when that thought alone scares me, and all i want is to be able to walk home with someone and not feel like i'm obligated to fuck them for it
[9:42:02 PM] Samantha Hogan: and i ended up sitting in my room apologizing for NOT having sex with him
[9:42:10 PM] Samantha Hogan: which like, great, yeah, because i owed him that or something, wtf
[9:42:15 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm tired of feeling worthless
[9:42:17 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm tired.
[9:42:21 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: well at least u didnt have sex with him, and ur not worthless
[9:42:34 PM] Samantha Hogan: oh right, sorry. i'm good for sex.
[9:42:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: correction.
[9:42:56 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u need to calm down ur in university where most people are only looking for sex
[9:42:58 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: it will change
[9:43:07 PM] Samantha Hogan: that's what people said about high school
[9:43:12 PM] Samantha Hogan: i'm pretty sure the common factor here is me
[9:43:21 PM] Samantha Hogan: it doesn't matter where i am. i need to stop using that as an excuse.
[9:43:23 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: and if they told it about university they they are fucking idiots
[9:43:44 PM] Samantha Hogan: the fact of the matter is, i am not worth people taking the time to do anything more than get off and leave me.
[9:43:51 PM] Samantha Hogan: if i was, it would have happened by now.
[9:43:52 PM] Samantha Hogan: voila.
[9:44:16 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: ur 19, ur young as fuck
[9:44:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: yeah, and i'm already fucking exhausted with the effort of trying to MATTER TO ANYONE
[9:44:37 PM] Samantha Hogan: EVER
[9:44:58 PM] kevin thomas mitchell: u cant make it happen sam it has to come with the right guy
[9:45:06 PM] Samantha Hogan: or the right girl
[9:45:10 PM] Samantha Hogan: and i am not that.
for letting me bear my soul
instead of bearing my body.
intra
goodbye forever,
or maybe just for now.
i am a coward in the worst, worst way.
i think i'm the only person alive
who would rather burn out
than go up in flames.
or maybe just for now.
i am a coward in the worst, worst way.
i think i'm the only person alive
who would rather burn out
than go up in flames.
two dollar trek
just in case i hadn't fucked up the balance of the universe enough,
i brought home a friend's fucking brother last night.
OFF LIMITS, WOW.
not fucking okay.
i didn't even put out,
and i still feel like shit.
fuck.
i brought home a friend's fucking brother last night.
OFF LIMITS, WOW.
not fucking okay.
i didn't even put out,
and i still feel like shit.
fuck.
3.12.2011
WOW TURBO
so, did i fuck my ex's roommate last night?
THE SHORT ANSWER: YEP.
THE LONG ANSWER: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKIN' YEP.
fuck me sideways.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
also,
i'm pissing my pants laughing at pictures of animals about to sneeze right now.
i think i'm still drunk.
also also,
i think i get it now. yep, he's cute.
and he thinks i'm "not bad" naked. ;) ow ow,
let's get married.
THE SHORT ANSWER: YEP.
THE LONG ANSWER: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKIN' YEP.
fuck me sideways.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
also,
i'm pissing my pants laughing at pictures of animals about to sneeze right now.
i think i'm still drunk.
also also,
i think i get it now. yep, he's cute.
and he thinks i'm "not bad" naked. ;) ow ow,
let's get married.
3.10.2011
croquant
just went out to the pub instead of reading a novel i'm supposed to be reading in order to write a paper for the class whose midterm i almost failed... NEATO.
didn't get drunk, although i had a few casual drinks... then a few casual shots... then a few not-so-casual shots.
i think when i convince myself that i'm just not going to get drunk,
i just don't get drunk.
i only went out because two of my friends really stressed wanting to have me there.
turns out they only wanted me there so they could point out the boys they liked,
and i could go chat them up and introduce them.
WOW, even girls know.
i am good for one thing only.
i'm just so tired of the bar scene.
i don't want to pick up.
i don't want to be picked up.
truth be told,
i want to be in love.
and i want to be loved back.
but i don't know what love is.
(i want you to show me?)
bad, bad reference. oh lordie.
anthropology paper, here i come.
after some video games,
and some pills.
didn't get drunk, although i had a few casual drinks... then a few casual shots... then a few not-so-casual shots.
i think when i convince myself that i'm just not going to get drunk,
i just don't get drunk.
i only went out because two of my friends really stressed wanting to have me there.
turns out they only wanted me there so they could point out the boys they liked,
and i could go chat them up and introduce them.
WOW, even girls know.
i am good for one thing only.
i'm just so tired of the bar scene.
i don't want to pick up.
i don't want to be picked up.
truth be told,
i want to be in love.
and i want to be loved back.
but i don't know what love is.
(i want you to show me?)
bad, bad reference. oh lordie.
anthropology paper, here i come.
after some video games,
and some pills.
3.09.2011
boulevard
it's just hard to look at all the seasons pass me over too.
cleaned my room.
did my laundry.
ate my leftovers.
made tickets.
put up posters.
emailed fixit.
maybe one of these things will make up for the fact that i
SLEPT THROUGH MY FUCKING MIDTERM TODAY.
bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,
nah.
cleaned my room.
did my laundry.
ate my leftovers.
made tickets.
put up posters.
emailed fixit.
maybe one of these things will make up for the fact that i
SLEPT THROUGH MY FUCKING MIDTERM TODAY.
bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,
nah.
3.06.2011
3.04.2011
slut
just freaked out and got in a fight with my ex because i saw him dancing with another girl;
y'know, the ex who dumped me because i wouldn't put out.
i then proceeded to hook up with some smashed guy who comes to me for easy sex,
because that is what i am.
easy sex.
"you're really good at giving head."
"i know."
i know.
i know.
i know.
i am worth one thing,
and one thing alone.
y'know, the ex who dumped me because i wouldn't put out.
i then proceeded to hook up with some smashed guy who comes to me for easy sex,
because that is what i am.
easy sex.
"you're really good at giving head."
"i know."
i know.
i know.
i know.
i am worth one thing,
and one thing alone.
3.02.2011
sick
TIPS I GOT FROM BEING IN AN EATING DISORDER CLINIC FOR THREE YEARS:
1. don't avoid foods that you are craving. by depriving yourself of something that your mind is telling you that you want, you are making it ten times more likely that you will binge eat later. curb your cravings in small doses. want that cake? take a small piece and eat it slowly, so it lasts you as long as it would if you were eating a large piece. that way, your mind is tricked into feeling satisfied.
2. anorexia does not always involve food. if you are exercising excessively without giving your body the means with which to exert this type of energy, you are essentially depriving your body in the same way you would be if you refused to eat. if you really want to get in shape or lose weight, do it right. find a balance between diet and exercise. one without the other is pointless.
3. be consistent. going to the gym once in a blue moon and working yourself into a fit is more likely to hurt you than help you. you need to exercise consistently in order to achieve results - otherwise, all you're doing is making yourself sore and potentially damaging your muscles. they need to adjust and get used to the strain, and this takes days of slow building in your routine. if you don't work out for a month and then go on a work-out blitz (or binge), you're likely to cause muscle trauma.
4. snack throughout the day on healthy foods like almonds. i never do this because almonds are disgusting, but that's besides the point. letting yourself starve between meals will trigger binge eating - and that cake you've been avoiding? you're more likely to allow yourself to eat "bad foods" if you feel as though you've been suffering. it's your mind's natural way of making it up to yourself. don't let it get to that.
5. eat until you're NOT HUNGRY, not until you're FULL. hello, north america. we've all been raised to eat until we're full. hell, we even say "i'm full" to signal that we're finished eating. however, eating until you're actually full stretches your stomach, and it will make you want to eat more later. snacking throughout the day, as mentioned earlier, helps curb your appetite so that you don't feel the need to keep eating once you're not hungry anymore. also, not being "full" means not being bloated. bonus.
6. balance your meal. yeah, i know, some of us don't like eating fish or salad. so substitute with other things. you don't necessarily have to think food groups - although it's easy that way. you can also think of color groups. got some green leaves on your plate? get some white rice and red meat. not only does this help you get a fairly balanced meal, it usually makes your plate look a whole lot nicer than if it was just piled up with one color.
7. drink lots of water. flavored liquids are more likely to make you want to eat something to go with it. water is tasteless and actually more satisfying for your body when it comes to quenching thirst. it also works as a great custodian in your body, flushing out toxins and clearing your system. if you're hungry or bored and you don't have a good snack to munch on, sip from a glass of water to help occupy you. no harm done there.
8. SAY ONLY POSITIVE THINGS ALOUD. i don't care if you think your thighs are huge or your ribs stick out too much - keep that to yourself. saying things aloud usually helps solidify the idea as more of a fact than a thought, so by admitting out loud that you think your boobs are too small, you're subconsciously accepting it as fact. if you like your arms and your stomach is nice - SAY SO! talk yourself up in the mirror. it'll help make these statements true in your mind.
9. be aware of your eating and exercising habits and the motivation behind them. are you trying to lose weight or get in shape? why? are you training to be somebody else or to be a BETTER YOU? you will never have kim kardashian's body unless you are kim kardashian. working out will not make your legs longer. it will not make your hips thinner. it will not change the basic structure of your body. wanting to tone what you've got is good - but wanting to change it altogether is not only destructive, but also impossible. know why you do what you do, and be reasonable about it.
10. if you hear about someone being concerned with your eating or exercising habits, take a moment and think about why. so much of eating disorders and general health and fitness are all in the mind, so instead of getting on the defensive about it, stop and think about why they might say that. maybe they're jealous because you're dating their ex, or maybe they're worried because they're your friend. no matter the case, think about any sort of patterns or clues you might have been accidentally giving out to make a person think that way about you. it might suck to admit it, but they might be right. don't be ignorant to opportunities for change.
hint: this tip works for just about everything in life.
I AM SO SICK OF HEARING MY PERFECTLY HEALTHY FRIENDS BITCH ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY WISH THEIR BODIES WERE DIFFERENT FROM HOW THEY ARE. YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT IS. EVERYTHING THAT IS, JUST IS. LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT AND LOVE IT IF YOU'RE LUCKY.
fuck.
1. don't avoid foods that you are craving. by depriving yourself of something that your mind is telling you that you want, you are making it ten times more likely that you will binge eat later. curb your cravings in small doses. want that cake? take a small piece and eat it slowly, so it lasts you as long as it would if you were eating a large piece. that way, your mind is tricked into feeling satisfied.
2. anorexia does not always involve food. if you are exercising excessively without giving your body the means with which to exert this type of energy, you are essentially depriving your body in the same way you would be if you refused to eat. if you really want to get in shape or lose weight, do it right. find a balance between diet and exercise. one without the other is pointless.
3. be consistent. going to the gym once in a blue moon and working yourself into a fit is more likely to hurt you than help you. you need to exercise consistently in order to achieve results - otherwise, all you're doing is making yourself sore and potentially damaging your muscles. they need to adjust and get used to the strain, and this takes days of slow building in your routine. if you don't work out for a month and then go on a work-out blitz (or binge), you're likely to cause muscle trauma.
4. snack throughout the day on healthy foods like almonds. i never do this because almonds are disgusting, but that's besides the point. letting yourself starve between meals will trigger binge eating - and that cake you've been avoiding? you're more likely to allow yourself to eat "bad foods" if you feel as though you've been suffering. it's your mind's natural way of making it up to yourself. don't let it get to that.
5. eat until you're NOT HUNGRY, not until you're FULL. hello, north america. we've all been raised to eat until we're full. hell, we even say "i'm full" to signal that we're finished eating. however, eating until you're actually full stretches your stomach, and it will make you want to eat more later. snacking throughout the day, as mentioned earlier, helps curb your appetite so that you don't feel the need to keep eating once you're not hungry anymore. also, not being "full" means not being bloated. bonus.
6. balance your meal. yeah, i know, some of us don't like eating fish or salad. so substitute with other things. you don't necessarily have to think food groups - although it's easy that way. you can also think of color groups. got some green leaves on your plate? get some white rice and red meat. not only does this help you get a fairly balanced meal, it usually makes your plate look a whole lot nicer than if it was just piled up with one color.
7. drink lots of water. flavored liquids are more likely to make you want to eat something to go with it. water is tasteless and actually more satisfying for your body when it comes to quenching thirst. it also works as a great custodian in your body, flushing out toxins and clearing your system. if you're hungry or bored and you don't have a good snack to munch on, sip from a glass of water to help occupy you. no harm done there.
8. SAY ONLY POSITIVE THINGS ALOUD. i don't care if you think your thighs are huge or your ribs stick out too much - keep that to yourself. saying things aloud usually helps solidify the idea as more of a fact than a thought, so by admitting out loud that you think your boobs are too small, you're subconsciously accepting it as fact. if you like your arms and your stomach is nice - SAY SO! talk yourself up in the mirror. it'll help make these statements true in your mind.
9. be aware of your eating and exercising habits and the motivation behind them. are you trying to lose weight or get in shape? why? are you training to be somebody else or to be a BETTER YOU? you will never have kim kardashian's body unless you are kim kardashian. working out will not make your legs longer. it will not make your hips thinner. it will not change the basic structure of your body. wanting to tone what you've got is good - but wanting to change it altogether is not only destructive, but also impossible. know why you do what you do, and be reasonable about it.
10. if you hear about someone being concerned with your eating or exercising habits, take a moment and think about why. so much of eating disorders and general health and fitness are all in the mind, so instead of getting on the defensive about it, stop and think about why they might say that. maybe they're jealous because you're dating their ex, or maybe they're worried because they're your friend. no matter the case, think about any sort of patterns or clues you might have been accidentally giving out to make a person think that way about you. it might suck to admit it, but they might be right. don't be ignorant to opportunities for change.
hint: this tip works for just about everything in life.
I AM SO SICK OF HEARING MY PERFECTLY HEALTHY FRIENDS BITCH ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY WISH THEIR BODIES WERE DIFFERENT FROM HOW THEY ARE. YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT IS. EVERYTHING THAT IS, JUST IS. LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT AND LOVE IT IF YOU'RE LUCKY.
fuck.
3.01.2011
uh oh
i just re-downloaded world of warcraft,
and i have two midterms this week.
can i just hurry up and flunk out of university?
that would be great, thanks.
ugh.
and i have two midterms this week.
can i just hurry up and flunk out of university?
that would be great, thanks.
ugh.
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