FUCKING DO IT

~a gentle encouragement~


SINCE WHEN IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU MADE YOUR LIFE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE?
"GO WITH THE FLOW???" WHAT ARE U, A BROKEN-OFF PIECE OF SEAWEED???
NO. ENOUGH. PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DO SOME SHIT.

1. ONLY DRINK WATER OR FRUIT/VEGGIE DRINKS. NO, DAD'S SUGAR-WATER FROZEN MCCAIN'S JUICE DOESN'T COUNT. GET SOME V8 OR A LEGIT FRUIT SMOOTHIE WITH ACTUAL FRUIT YOU IDIOT. OTHERWISE, WATER OR NOTHING.

2. GET UP EVERY MORNING AND EAT SOME FUCKING BREAKFAST. BOWL OF ALPEN, YOGURT, PIECE OF FRUIT. BAM. ACTUAL REAL LIFE GROWN-UP FOOD, LOOKIT U.

3. SWEAT PURPOSEFULLY FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES A DAY. SWEATING FROM DOING NORMAL SHIT AND JUST BEING OUT OF SHAPE DOESN'T COUNT. REAL LIFE EXERCISE, OKAY. IT'S FUCKING MARCH, YOU'RE CANADIAN, IT'S OFFICIALLY WARM ENOUGH TO START JOGGING AGAIN, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

4. FUCKING SIT DOWN AND DO SOME CREATIVE WRITING EVERY DAY. LIKE, AT LEAST A PAGE, COME ON. GET A FUCKING JOURNAL MAYBE, U MIDDLE SCHOOL TRAGEDY. START MAKING ACTUAL SHIT.

5. SHAVE YOUR DUMB VAGINA. JUST FUCKING SHAVE IT U MORON, YOU KNOW YOU FEEL GROSS WHEN YOU DON'T. DO YOUR LEGS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT - YEAH, THE HAIR IS THIN AND BLONDE BUT U KNOW IT'S THERE. U JUST KNOW.

6. BED IS FOR SLEEPING, MOVIE WATCHING, OR LIKE TEMPORARY SEATING WHILE U GET READY TO GO SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE. SERIOUSLY, GET OUT OF BED. GO LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE, THE FLOOR, I DON'T CARE.

7. GET DRESSED EVERY DAY, WHETHER YOU PLAN ON LEAVING THE HOUSE OR NOT. SERIOUSLY. YOU'RE 23 YEARS OLD, IT'S TIME FOR FUCKING PANTS EVERY DAY, THIS IS NONSENSE.

8. LOOK, IF YOU'RE GONNA DO THE TANNING THING, DO THE FUCKING TANNING THING. MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY. BAM. GO OR DON'T GO, QUIT BEING A WISHY WASHY HALF-TANNED IDIOT.

9. GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING ZINC SUPPLEMENTS. APPARENTLY U AREN'T GETTING ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS ZINC??? WHO KNOWS BUT U NEED TO PUT SOME OF THAT SHIT IN UR FUCKIN' GOB AND CARRY ON WITH UR DAY, HOOK IT UP.

10. QUIT EATING BULLSHIT NOT-FOOD CRAP. TWINKIES, COOKIES, CHIPS, CANDY??? THEY ALL HAVE DUMB NAMES AND ARE MADE OF SHIT U CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE. FUEL YOURSELF U FUCKING IDIOT, NO WONDER YOU'RE TIRED AND SHIT IF YOU'RE FILLING YOUR TANK WITH PISS INSTEAD OF GAS.

FUCKING DO IT, YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER ONCE YOU DO, SERIOUSLY, DON'T LET YOURSELF GET LAZY ABOUT THIS SHIT, NO FUCKING DAYS OFF, FUCK U, YOU KNOW YOU NEVER BOUNCE BACK FROM THOSE.

MAYBE SOME DARK CHOCOLATE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT OTHER THAN THAT U GOTTA CLEAN UP UR FUCKIN' ACT, SERIOUSLY THIS IS BONKERS, JUST BE A FUCKING PERSON.

LEAVE THE HOUSE AT LEAST ONCE A DAY MAYBE, WHO KNOWS, FUCK.

MAYBE TRY TO SHOWER MORE, I DUNNO, WHO GIVES A FUCK.