aces, maybe

we grew up turning boys' sexuality into a joke
and girls' sexuality into nothing at all;
a secret people only whispered about
when they were trying to hurt somebody.
quick learner, i was - put up walls around my wretched body,
hid alien urges, buried beneath the foundation
of the woman i was trying to become.
now years have passed and every man i try to be with
tells me it's not enough if i don't want
the way he wants. years of being told that sex is wrong
and now i'm being told that i am wrong for listening.
i'm scrambling to tear up earth and find
my rotted urges. i can bring you the scraps -
sunk from the soil; small and dirty.
will you want them as they are?
nobody taught me any better than to hate myself,
and now i am just supposed to know.
i held funeral services for my budding sexuality
at thirteen years of age and now
i dare you to stare at this corpse, laid bare,
and promise you still want me.