bolsius

sometimes i light candles and sit in the dark and long for the feeling of the wax on my skin. but we're not allowed to do the things that burn, that hurt. i listen to the same song on repeat and wonder for the life of me why i can't write the way i used to and then i try anyway just to confirm my disappointment. sometimes even when i know what it is that i should be doing and i know how easy it would be to just sit down and fucking do it i still can't start because it's the starting that i find difficult; sometimes i think that if someone could just hand me everything already begun i would do just fine. like how if someone else could have the bravery to just go for him even though i may very well get hurt, maybe i wouldn't get hurt in the end. maybe if i had the courage to just start things i wouldn't have to see them end. but these are all risks i've been programmed to avoid because we're not allowed to do the things that burn, that hurt. sometimes i light candles and sit in the dark and long for the feeling of the wax on my skin.