day two

this is what i wore today.

along with grey socks that matched the top
and floral-patterned, open-toed/open-side cork wedge sandals,
that matched the scarf i used as a belt.

i thought it was really cute,
but nobody else did.

mainly because i sat around in my house all day,
bored and alone, except for my mother - who enlisted my help
in her aggressive cleaning rituals.

our house is not dirty.
she's cleaning it of me.

and suddenly i realize,
i fucking hate it here.
why the fuck did i want to come home?

this is the place where
i have no room on account of the fact that my mother is actively purging her house of any trace of my existence,
and my step-father continuously either ignores me or mocks me or both,
and my "friends" only want to see me for the first three days that i'm here and then they forget that i'm alive.

either that or they leave me waiting all day in a cute but useless outfit,
saying "oh, sorry, i'll be free in a bit, k?"

to which i respond:
"okie. :)"

because why bother telling them that i don't want to see them anymore
after the first fucking time they bailed on me?
why would they fucking care?

i have no friends here.
i have nothing here.

this place is not my fucking home.

i just want some mindless desk job to take up all my fucking time already,
so i don't have to feel so unbearably fucking alone all the fucking time,
and so i can just feel nothing nothing nothing.
just numbers and type.

for once,
i would like to be the one who doesn't have time for everyone else,
instead of the other way around.