fuck everything.
every time i do what i think is good and right it gets shoved back down my throat,
with sharp stones and thorns stuck into the sides of my would-be-good-deeds.
every time i stand up for what and who i believe in,
all i get in return is a moment of regret and disappointment.
that is, excluding the ever-so-slightly devastating moments of second-guessing what and who it is that i believe in.
after all, what's the point of making decisions based on a fleeting sense of pride when in the end you're overwhelmed by the striking sensation of not belonging where you thought you were needed the most?
the fact of the matter is, no matter how hard i try, i have nothing of my own to be involved in.
and no matter how hard i try, nobody wants me involved in their own things either.
sometimes i wonder if i wouldn't rather not exist at all,
instead of existing in a constant, complete, and utter loneliness.
but hey.
what choice do i have?
what choice do i have. ha.
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